Wherein I Lose My Mind

Let me preface this by saying that I don't get caught up in saying that the original version of something is better than remake.  I don't care.  And I've had this attitude forever.  I'll give the remake a chance, and if it blows, I move on.

But then...something caught my eye.  Something so absolutely terrible, grim, astonishing..and just downright bad that I had to make a post about it.

There's going to be a remake of The Crow.  That I could handle, I've long since moved on from it.  There won't be a good one past the first one, this one won't be good, I've come to terms with that.

But then, a casting "maybe" was leaked to the fine people of the internet.

Are you ready for it?

God...this hurts to type.

Bradley Cooper might be playing Eric Draven.  Yeah, you're reading that right.  The smug douche nozzle from such feats of cinematography as "Limitless", "The A-Team" and...that one stalker movie with Sandra Bullock. The guy who looks like that young boss you always have.  You know, that one that is like two years younger than you, but is always trying to look stylish and cool, even though you both work for K-Mart.  Yeah, that guy.

Honestly, how could the makers of this, I'm sure to be nominated for like a billion awards, movie see this as a good idea.  And what's worse, from what I can gather the movie is supposed to draw more from the comic book.  Let's look at some visual aids, shall we?

Bradley Cooper

Eric Draven (Comic Book)

The resemblances are striking, no?

Now, I know what you're thinking.  "Oh, you're just ranting because its something you like!" Well no shit.  That's kind of the whole point of me even posting on this.  But it comes down to something bigger.  Something more terrifying and awful.  Something that I didn't think I would ever have to think about.

I, have become old.  Its like when a parent makes you watch a movie that they love, but that you've never seen.  You hate it.  Even if you liked some parts of it, you mostly hate it.  Not because its a bad movie, you are just engineered to hate the last generation.  That's how it works for everything.

Is this petty?  Yes.  But I think its something that needs to be stated.  I mean, there are plenty of people out there with decent to good movie ideas (none of them are on the internet, don't look.) The people in charge just seem to be afraid.  And that's fine, fear is good.  But as long as people continue to pay for this kind of garbage, the more they'll keep putting out.  I have never seen the new Nightmare or 13th, and I probably never will just based on principle.  And, I didn't want to see Rorschach play Freddy.

But I guess that's how it works.  Just as long as they never try and remake Ninja Turtles, I'll be fine.  That reminds me, I should check and see if that's happening...

*Sounds of screaming and intense vomiting.*

I'm moving to Europe.