Wherein I Lose My Mind

Let me preface this by saying that I don't get caught up in saying that the original version of something is better than remake.  I don't care.  And I've had this attitude forever.  I'll give the remake a chance, and if it blows, I move on.

But then...something caught my eye.  Something so absolutely terrible, grim, astonishing..and just downright bad that I had to make a post about it.

There's going to be a remake of The Crow.  That I could handle, I've long since moved on from it.  There won't be a good one past the first one, this one won't be good, I've come to terms with that.

But then, a casting "maybe" was leaked to the fine people of the internet.

Are you ready for it?

God...this hurts to type.

Bradley Cooper might be playing Eric Draven.  Yeah, you're reading that right.  The smug douche nozzle from such feats of cinematography as "Limitless", "The A-Team" and...that one stalker movie with Sandra Bullock. The guy who looks like that young boss you always have.  You know, that one that is like two years younger than you, but is always trying to look stylish and cool, even though you both work for K-Mart.  Yeah, that guy.

Honestly, how could the makers of this, I'm sure to be nominated for like a billion awards, movie see this as a good idea.  And what's worse, from what I can gather the movie is supposed to draw more from the comic book.  Let's look at some visual aids, shall we?

Bradley Cooper

Eric Draven (Comic Book)

The resemblances are striking, no?

Now, I know what you're thinking.  "Oh, you're just ranting because its something you like!" Well no shit.  That's kind of the whole point of me even posting on this.  But it comes down to something bigger.  Something more terrifying and awful.  Something that I didn't think I would ever have to think about.

I, have become old.  Its like when a parent makes you watch a movie that they love, but that you've never seen.  You hate it.  Even if you liked some parts of it, you mostly hate it.  Not because its a bad movie, you are just engineered to hate the last generation.  That's how it works for everything.

Is this petty?  Yes.  But I think its something that needs to be stated.  I mean, there are plenty of people out there with decent to good movie ideas (none of them are on the internet, don't look.) The people in charge just seem to be afraid.  And that's fine, fear is good.  But as long as people continue to pay for this kind of garbage, the more they'll keep putting out.  I have never seen the new Nightmare or 13th, and I probably never will just based on principle.  And, I didn't want to see Rorschach play Freddy.

But I guess that's how it works.  Just as long as they never try and remake Ninja Turtles, I'll be fine.  That reminds me, I should check and see if that's happening...

*Sounds of screaming and intense vomiting.*

I'm moving to Europe.

Bacon Can't Solve Everything (I'm Looking at YOU Denny's)

So...I went to Denny's for food this evening.  First mistake in a long line of many for tonight.

I eat animals.  I've tried not to.  But I just can't help it.  I've seen them prepared a lot of ways.  But nothing I've seen prepared me for this.  Not a damn thing.  I was handed a menu that was bacon themed.  Normally I wouldn't bat an eye.  But something caught my attention.  A bacon sundae.  I'm sure you've seen the commercial.  So this isn't news.  I don't listen to commercials.  I thought it to be a joke.  But, there I sat, confronting reality.  They did it.  Ice cream and bacon together.

Now, most people's minds would be screaming "NO!" But my mind works slightly differently.  The part that was saying "NO!" was follwing that up with "...well maybe it won't be all that bad."

So...after my normal food, I was forced to blaze the trail to the bacon sundae.

And now, here I sit, its midnight, and my stomach and chest area are having an intense battle with the punishment I've put them through.  There is begging, there is sobbing, there might even be vomit.

Have I learned my lesson?  When it comes to bacon and ice cream, yes.  Everything else?  Probably not.  Just keep onions the fuck away from it and I'll give it a go.

First Post!

Well...I've finally done it.  After dabbling for a bit on MySpace (when MySpace was cool.  It WAS cool, right? Right?!) I am making a blog.

The purpose of this blog?  Mostly talking about shit movies, games, music.  Yeah, its one of those. Now, I had trouble trying to decide what I should make my first post about.  Me?  Hell no. My life?  Not that interesting and I don't care what the internet wants to know about me.  More than likely, the only people that will even glance at this, already know me.

No, I think, with my first post I'm just going to put a few things out there and see how people react (if they even react at all) and go from there.

First thing is first, this isn't going to be an "angry review" style thing.  I'm not a critic, nor do I claim to be.  I may criticize things, but I have no background on which to pull from.  I'm just stating opinion nine times out of ten.  And even if I try to give facts, they most likely came from Wikipedia.  Which makes them about ten times more legit than any other source.  Right?  Fucking A.

I wanted to talk about a movie, but I couldn't think of one, and my movie collection is full of movies that every one loves, or stuff that's kind of obscure and I would feel weird talking about (I'm looking at you "The Room").  No, I'm going to talk about a song I heard the other day.  Something that completely took me by surprise, and made me angry all at once.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UuEPKvs0QV4

What the fuck is that?!  Yeah, its true, I hate most music, aside from my very limited tastes, but that's just fucking pathetic.  "Oh, its called Country Song and they have a banjo and shit in it".  Big fucking woo!  It doesn't stop it from sounding like shit.  I was one of those bastards that bought the first Seether CD, so I feel partly to blame for this.  I mean...I helped open the window for this.  Bad lyrics, bad instrumentals...just...gah!

And I think this speaks more for the state of music.  I mean, if Seether has to resort to this type of shit, what's next?  I mean, next you're going to tell me that Hollywood Undead are going to release a live album.  (*Jordan hits up Google*) ...son of a bitch.  Okay, okay, there has to be something worse.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZ96FHEEI7k

Hmm...that actually didn't take that long to find.  Now, I hate Halestorm.  No lie to that.  That made me hate them more.  "But Jordan, how can you hate them?!  They rock!"  Okay, first off, Iron Maiden rocks.  Halestorm is more like Joan Jett 2000.  Sure, the attitude is there but its all modern and stupid.  Just because a woman sings in a rock band doesn't make it special.  All of the chicks in mainstream rock still have to live up to Lita Ford if you ask me.  And she was also terrible, plus, I'm not old enough to think that.  What the hell is wrong with me?

I call it, The Linkin Park Effect.  "What's that?" You might ask?  Well, some of you may remember when Linkin Park first started getting heavy play, their first single was a pretty hard track, I can't be bothered to look it up right now, but it was decent for the time, something different, so I picked up the album expecting more of the same, what I got was "Crawling" and "In the End" and their DJ's stupid solo thing.  I was socks for Christmas disappointed.  And they got popular off the back of those songs.  And it just spiraled from there.  A lot of bands fall into this pit.  Release a heavy song to get popular with the hard rock/metal crowd, and then completely abandon that when you get popular.  Now, some bands fall back on it, some don't.  Some forge ahead with their newfound shittiness and keep Rollin' Rollin' Rollin (see what I did there?!?! wittymotherfuckerisI).

Now, I'm a fairly young guy, mid-twenties, that's still young.  But I always hear and read about music of the past decades and I see this unity and power in it.  And I wonder where that has gone.  I don't like any of that music, per se.  But it says something that Bob Dylan can still sell out shows and Halestorm has to make cover albums.  Or that Bret Michaels gets like fifteen realty shows.  Why?  Poison stopped being relevant long ago, but people still watch him.  Why?  I have no fucking clue.  I've tried to watch his "Rock of STDs" a few times, and its awful.  Every episode is like the girls are trying out to be strippers.  And not good strippers either.  I'm talking like Wednesday morning strippers.  Wednesday morning strippers who would rather talk about themselves than get naked.

But, I digress.  What happened to the music I grew up with?  It might just be a generational thing, and I'm the grandpa talking about Waylon Jennings, but instead of Waylon Jennings I'm talking about Korn or whatever.  Its just weird to see MTV (when they show something to do with music) talking about Justin Bieber when they used to talk about Slipknot or Metallica.  And at the end of the day, I think that's what it is.  Generational.  Nu-Metal was awful in retrospect, but we got Slipknot out of it.  But in return, we got Stone Sour, which took forever for me to like.  But I do.  But it is the same thing in metal, how can a band like Halestorm get popular, but Taproot can completely fall off the radar?  Their music was better, the guy's voice had an amazing contrast to the instrumentals which made for a much better sound, but at the end of the day, it comes down to one thing.  Marketability.  You can't sell the guys from Taproot because they are sporting racks and glob on so much eyeliner and black leather that they look like a Hot Topic exploded all over them.

Look at Papa Roach.  Now, I didn't care for anything they did after their debut (mostly because a certain friend of mine jammed them and Disturbed down my ear-holes every single second I was around him), but even then, they were still out there trying to make the best kind of music that they could.  But look at them now.  Eye-liner, stupid hair, chains and leather and shit.  Awful.

In summation; I hate the state of music, I haven't bought any music for over a year now, and I'm not at all bothered by it.  If all we can get is Seether trying to sound like Djerks Bentley and Halestorm ruining a bunch of current and classic songs, I'll get by.  Finland makes better music anyways.