On a Mountain of Skulls...In a Castle of Pain...

Who You Gonna Call?                                     

So, you’ve read about what I don’t like.  What I’m (as the name implies) indifferent to.  Now, let’s talk about something I like.  But, before that, some back story!

Now, I’m not some jaded fan boy.  I don’t just openly hate something because its popular, or for any other reason that people just hate on things on the internet.  If I don’t like something, I can list a metric dickload of reasons why I don’t like something.  Go ahead, try it.  Ask me about something.  I’ll let you know.

Anyhow,  there is a laundry list of things that I hate, and an equally long list of things that I love.  One of the things at the top of the list is labeled “All Things Ghostbusters”.  It doesn’t matter.  Anything with those four guys, the proton packs, Slimer…any of it.  I can’t help it, I’m a product of the 80s and Ghostbusters was the first movie my mother ever took me to see.  Was I a little young?  Oh yeah.  Did it matter?  No.

I really caught the bug with the cartoon, and it only snowballed from there.  Toys, videos, video games, bed sheets, etc.  All of them owned by this guy…as a mini-this-guy.  Do I still have any of that stuff?  God, do I wish.  But alas, I don’t really adhere to the nerd creedo of “SAVE THIS BECAUSE YOU CAN MAKE MONEY OFF OF IT WHEN PEOPLE BUY IT OFF OF EBAY!”  Not how I roll at all.

Which brings me to my topic for this post.  Ghostbusters II.  I love it.  It has problems, which we’ll address, but its still great.  Everything about it.

So, we all know that the first movie was HUGE.  Like, about as huge as something could be in the 80s.  Just massive.  So massive, in fact, that a cartoon was quickly produced to not only keep the movie fresh in people’s minds, but also rope kids in and create merchandise.

The cartoon, while not great in some spots is pretty good.  It even carries over a few plot points and such from the movie(s).  But the biggest downfall of the cartoon, is that it made the movie’s distributor, Columbia, pressure Dan Akroyd, Harrold Ramis and Ivan Reitman to make another movie.  As the story goes, they didn’t want to because they thought the first movie was self-contained and were wanting to make other projects.  If you’ve seen Akroyd’s work when he doesn’t have at  some kind of filter on him, you can see why this was a bad idea.

Eventually after continued pressure from Columbia, the trio put a script together.  But not the one that became the movie we all saw.  No, this script has been nicknamed “The Last of the Ghostbusters” by Bill Murray.  In this version, Dana Barrett, played by Sigourney Weaver, is kidnapped and taken to Scotland.  While there, she discovers a magical ring and an underground civilization (see what I mean about Akroyd with no filter??).  That was quickly nixed.  Akroyd and Ramis then put together a new script which became Ghostbusters II.  What some people don’t know, is that there were also still different versions of that script.  One where they Ghostbusters are super-successful and have franchised out their business and another that picks up as soon as the first one ends.  Weird stuff.

So with that all set-up, the movie began production.  A new Ecto had to be made, because the one used in the first movie was in major disrepair.  The state its in when we see Ray and Winston for the first time, is not movie magic.  The car was that beat up.  It finally died while filming on the Brooklyn Bridge, which caused the filmmakers to be fined because there isn’t a repair lane on the bridge and traffic was disrupted.  Yikes.

Fast forward a few months, and the movie was in theaters.  But, let’s look at the releases for the year of 1989, shall we?

Born on the Fourth of July, pfft.  Cheap crap compared to Ghostbusters!  Honey I Shrunk the Kids?  Did America REALLY need two doses of  Rick Moranis??  I think not.  UHF?  Please.  I love Weird Al as much as the next guy, but not in movie form.  What could possibly take down Egon, Peter, Ray and Winston?

Indiana Jones.  Eek.  Well that was a given, there couldn’t have been anything else that could be that huge in one year, right?  Oh…Batman.  Shit.  Well, okay, two movies isn’t terrible.  We’re still sitting pretty.  Look Who’s Talking.  That’s just not fair.  How can anything top a talking Bruce Willis baby?  Lethal Weapon 2...okay well everyone loves Murdoch and Riggs.  And that’s not even the tip of the iceberg for this movie, because 1989 is also the same year a little sleeper title called Back to the Future 2 was released.  And Dead Poet’s Society.  But mostly Back To the Future 2.  Mostly.

So yeah, not a good year.  But,  to the studios credit they braved those waters and went ahead.  And its not like the movie did badly.  It was in the top ten of that year!  But still, most people know remember it as the bastard child of the franchise.  But, why?

First…its not THAT funny.  Not as funny as the first one, anyways.  Yeah, it has its moments.  Most of those, however, are thinly veiled innuendo.  Because you have to remember that this movie was marketed more towards kids hooked on the cartoon than the adults that made the first movie so successful.

Secondly, the acting is kind of hit or miss.  Bill Murray just looks bored the whole movie, as does Ernie Hudson.  Dan Akroyd gives it the ol’ college try.  And Harold Ramis (my personal favorite) seems kind of “meh” on the whole ordeal.  The few saving graces are Annie Potts and Peter McNichol.  There’s something about the sly sexiness Potts tries to bring to the role of Janine Melnitz the second time around, but Annie Potts is neither sly nor really all that sexy.  And Peter McNichol should have been given top billing.  Every scene he’s in, he steals it.  The subtle little movements and the way he portrays that awkward foreign guy, just great.

Other than that, it’s a mess of character actors playing characters.  The mayor acts like he learned nothing from the first go around with the Ghostbusters, his assistant might as well have been called Walter Peck, Mayor’s Assistant.  Pretty much the same part, just different actors and jobs.

The critics tore the movie apart for pretty much what I listed above.  Siskel and Ebert called one of the worst of 89.  But you know what?  It still made money.  Still made the title a successful franchise and is still a great, if not flawed movie.

Now, I’m leaving a big part of the story out, and that’s the soundtrack.  What a catastrophe that thing is.  Its mostly that weird late 80s/early 90s hip-hop that was just starting to catch on, and then Glen Fry, Elton John and fucking Oingo-Boingo.  The only song that really sticks out is “Spirit” by Doug E. Fresh and the Get Fresh Crew.  Its not bad, but the only time you hear it in the movie is over the ending credits.

But, all this aside, you really should give this movie a second chance.  Or even a first chance if you’ve never seen it.  Its kind of stale by today’s standards, but you can see glimmers of the first TRYING to fight out of the studio rushed garbage.  And the special effects are still kind of cool, even if you can notices the green screen effect on the Statue of Liberty.

And Vigo kicks ass, I don’t care if he kind of looks like a bad LARP’er.  Or a really good one, I can never find the difference.

Oh!  I almost forgot, Vampire's Kiss came out in 1989!

We Don't Live Here Anymore (Why I Hate Indie Movies)

                                                                         Ugh...

Ah...the indie movie.  Remember when Reservoir Dogs was supposed to be indie?  I don't either, I'd classify it as more alternative than anything, but that's just labels.  We're not here to talk about labels today.  We're here to talk about how much I hate indie movies and the attitude that anything not mainstream is good.

You'll never forget it, whether you loved it or hated it, the first time you saw a movie that you just couldn't understand.  For some people it was because the material covered was just too hard to wrap their mind around at the time.  For others, it was because the movie was awful.  Well, if your first experience with this was an indie movie, it was probably both.

Now, I'm not talking indie movies in the sense of low-budget affairs that end up way better than they had any right to be.

I am talking about the actually high-budget, A-list garbage that is cranked out by stars who "just want their image seen".  Let me ask you this, why does their image always involve them looking mopey while a Tori Amos song wails in the background and a girl/guy acts disinterested in them?

I can't understand it.  And its not because those movies are above me or something.  Its just because they're bad fucking movies.  There's a huge difference between those categories.  And the people that jump on the indie bandwagon just because they can, need to wake the fuck up.

A four hour black and white French movie about horses is not entertaining.  Its barely even art.  Its that kind of avant garde bullshit that annoys the piss out of me.  And yeah, you're probably sitting there thinking "how American or you".

Yeah, that goes right to the heart.  Seriously, wounded.  No, its not the red-blooded, beer drinking, ass kicking American in me coming out.  Its the person who loves movies.  I have appreciation for all kinds of movies.  On my movie shelf sits classics.  Real, true to life classics.  And cuddled up next to them?  Shit like The Room, countless MST3K DVDs, Simpsons seasons and a season of Heroes that I'm not particularly proud of owning.  And there's also stuff like Charlie Bartlett, Boondock Saints, King of Kong, etc.  I like anything if its good.

But therein lies the problem.  I like stuff that you don't and vice versa.  And here is where this whole trip gets strange, sometimes those lines cross.  Sometimes.

I don't despise all independent movies.  But there has to be a stark difference.  You can't just throw that label on everything that doesn't come from one of the big distributors.  Or else I'll fall into the trap that I'm sure some people have in thinking that Juno was a good movie. Its not.  Its a fucking boring quirkfest with weird ass music and Michael Cera...and Jason Bateman its a fucking Clooney away from being IFC's biggest circle jerk.

And please, don't think I'm ill-informed.  I've watched plenty of this garbage.  Most of it stars Kat Dennings, but that's a story for a different time.  You guys can't rush into something on the off-chance that it might be good because its different.  That's how we gave power to Sundance.  And let me ask you, what did that get us??  Hmm?  Exactly.

So what can we do about this affliction?  Closing vintage clothing stores en masse would be a good start.  But since we can't do that, I say that we do what we should always do when something needs to change, vote with our wallets.  Do you honestly want Kirsten Dunst to direct anything?  What's next, Robert Pattinson and Spielberg teaming-up for an in-depth look at relationships on the coast of Iceland during hunting season?  I don't want to live in that world.

So, I'll be going to see The Avengers.  I'll be going to see Batman and whatever the hell else looks like it may be good.  I won't go see something just because its directly parallel to something else.  That's backwards thinking and will do no good.  Besides, every time you actually seek out a five hour long movie from the black heart of Switzerland, God makes another Fred Durst.  No, those two things aren't related in any way, but do you want to take that chance?

Keep on rollin'

Of Metal Covers and Madness

Greetings people that read this that I'm probably aping from Facebook.

I haven't posted anything in a long ass time, for a party mix of reasons.  None of which I'll get into.  Well maybe one thing.  Yeah, one thing.  I got into WoW again pretty hot and heavy, and then just sort of slid away from it, but now, the account is closed forever, the authenticator is broken and the account password changed.

In my time away from WoW, I have learned something about myself in relation to the internet; we've spent far too much time apart.  Now, we hardly recognize one another.  Sure, the internet still remembers who I am, and I still dwell on the great nights that we had, but she's moved on, and that's okay.

So I have a variety of things I'd like to get into, sort of clear out the junk drawer before I get back into the blog again.

Number 1: 


I hate MTV.  Not for the standard and cliche reasons.  No, this isn't some mild "well its because of Jersey Shore" thing.  No, no.  This, is pure vitriol.  I hate MTV more than I hate G4, and I loathe G4.  Stupid Adam Sessler.  Anyways, the reason I hate MTV because they almost completely separate themselves from music.  Its kind of like when parents get divorced.  They still get together for your birthday, but you can tell, they don't like being in the same room together.

Now, I understand that every channel needs a certain set list of things.  There's no fixing that.  But to start off as something so ground breaking, and then become so...benign.  Its frustrating.  Most of the blame for this...is late 90s kids.  You fucks.  Carson Daly was never cool.

Number 2:


I love Japanese television more than anyone has any right to.  But only when its subbed.

Number 3:


Metal covers of 80s new waves songs are all almost universally awesome.  Naysay all you want, but if you hear a bitchin' guitar solo put in the middle of "Neverending Story", you'll be on board.  That's an actual thing. Look it up.

Now, I realize that its not for everyone.  People who grew up with that music will probably not like it, and that's fine.  I'm sure I'll be miffed when someone starts doing Stabbing Westward covers...if they haven't already.  Hold on, let ME check something...fucking damn it.

Anyways, if you're a fan of metal (doesn't hurt if you like symphonic or even prog) then give some of them a shot, its crazy to see what the Swedish or even the Italians do with some of that music.

Number 4:


Fuck movies.  For real.  Aside from like two movies coming out this year, there is absolutely nothing that I want to see.  Its odd too, because I used to have like two or three every other month that I was getting stoked about.  Now, absolutely nothing looks appealing to me.  I want to see The Avengers because I liked Thor and want to see more of that.  I want to see Batman...because its fucking Batman.  Everything else?  Not a chance.  And its not because I'm some kind of film expert.  Not at all.  I couldn't tell you thing one about how to properly assemble a movie.  But I can recognize when one of the parts isn't working right.

Everyone is on the Hunger Games' crotch all of the sudden.  My reaction?  A big, fat "meh".  It looks lazily pooped together.  That's right, pooped together.  The characters are wooden, the sets look boring as fuck, and the costumes are twenty seven kinds of crazy.  And also Lenny Kravitz.  Plus, I've seen Battle Royale.  Both of them, in fact.  So there's nothing there that I haven't seen or read before.  Sorry, but all the money its making, seems kind of sad.  Especially when you consider that a Battle Royale remake was scrapped more or less because it was coming.

I understand, in a post-Harry Potter world, we have to have some franchise to bleed tweens and scary mothers dry.  But isn't there one out there better than this?  Maybe someone, someday will write something so groundbreaking and amazing that we won't need this garbage...but who could do such a thing?  I bet he'd be charming and witty with great hair and a killer jawline...

Hmm...?  Oh, yeah, moving on.

Did anyone see Chronicle?  I did, that movie was fucking amazing.  Where is the billions of dollars for it?  It basically remade an anime and was excellent to boot.  But no, that kind of loot is saved for schlock that no one is going to care about in ten years.  Me?  I'll still watch The Room every few months just to make sure its a real movie and that I own it.  Right next to my copy of Birddemic.  Yeah, I got one.

But my point is, to act like these movies are big and important works of cinema is almost laughable.  They, like most everything churned out of any sector of film these days is all the same nonsense.  The horror genre is almost entirely zombie or giant animal related since no one is going to take vampires seriously for half a century after Twilight.  Action movies are pretty much the same.  If they're not super hero related, they're sly mixes of comedy.  Drama is...well...drama.  But its like that across the board.  No one is shaking up anything.  Everyone is acting so fucking safe.  Its disheartening to know that this crap is being made, but behind each one of those, there are ten great ideas waiting to be made, but no one wants to take that chance.

But I mean, what are we supposed to do?  Its not like we can vote with our wallets, because for every one of us that cares about movies, there are going to be ten Affliction wearing d-bags going to see Battleship.  We're going to lose out every time.

And as the name of the blog suggests, I'm not angry.  I'm not even really all that saddened.  I'm middle of the road content.  Because I've accepted that change is nothing unless people can get behind the ideals.  Sure, its nice to hear it, but if it means nothing, then its all just air.

So, in closing, I'll leave you with this thought; if you are going up against a group of your peers in a fight to the death where only one can survive...would you rather be killed by someone named Katniss, or someone that looked like this...

Yeah, gettin' all Kiriyama up in this bitch.

Music Track to follow, and I'm out.

Strange Things are Afoot at the Circle-K

So yeah...

Haven't posted in a LONG time.  Why?  Haven't really thought of anything interesting to say, ya know?

First off, let me state this.  Its the future, for fuck's sake.

I started this blog with one goal in mind; get my opinions on mostly movies and crap out there, to see if people would be interested in reading what I had to say.  Nothing more, nothing less.

But, something has sparked me related to that.  Its kind of out there, but it all ties together, trust me.

Its almost seven in the morning.  I can't sleep, because of this topic.  I wish I could.  I want to.  But its not going to happen until I get this out in the open.

I just watched a movie called "Playing Columbine" its about the guy that made a crappy 16-bit game called "Super Columbine Massacre RPG!" and the ramifications of doing so.  It was a profound experience.  And saying that probably won't mean a lot to the people that don't much about me.  But to those that do, you would realize just how much that hits home.

No, I wasn't at Columbine or whatever, I've never even been to Colorado.  No desire to as well.  No, no.  I was and still am, an "individual" of sorts.  I do kind of what I want.  And I don't care about people's opinions at all.  Imagine how much fun that was in high school.  Go ahead.  I'll wait here.

Also, you people should know that I am a gamer.  Not as much as I used to be, but most of my formidable adolescent years were spent in front of a tv, alongside the clunky hum of my PS1 as it churned out Final Fantasy 7 for hours on end.  That was what I wanted to do.  And I was damn happy doing it.  The only way I could have been any happier, is if the game never ended.

Now, skip ahead to the Columbine shooting.  Here is a kid, who is a loner.  Mostly by choice.  He has long, weird hair.  Listens to weird music.  Watches weird tv.  I grew up in a town of like 100 people.  Yeah.  So, that struck a particular chord.  Was I going to shoot someone?  Hell no.  I'm not a moron.  Never even crossed my mind.  I was happy just talking circles around people.  But it didn't stop the looks.  It didn't stop the whispers, the constant monitoring, the searches by teachers and staff.  After repeated signs that I wasn't going to do that, it just kept going.  But I dealt with it, because again, I don't care what anyone has to say or think about me.  That includes you, person that is reading this.

But still, I didn't have a voice.  The media cloaks everything.  You get news one of two ways; warm and fuzzy or frightening.  That's it.  So I couldn't look there.  What is a person to do?  You introvert.  I didn't have it in me to have a voice at that time.  I tried.  But one against a million are shitty odds.

But that's not the point of this.  I'm not here to tell you my sob story or anything.  Again, I don't care.

I'm here to tell you about this movie.

I've never had a piece of media affect me like this.  Never.  It was so thought provoking and difficult to process all at once.  I've watched it twice and I'm still not sure what I've watched.  It was biased, yeah.  But, it was a voice for my people.  Men and women that think and act like I do.  Has anyone ever had that happen?  Has some kind of media struck you like this before?

I'm sitting here, and all I can think of, is all of that stuff that I went through.  And I'm watching this guy go through all of that, for making a game.  And the game doesn't glorify what those two psychopaths did.  It tells the whole story.  Not the crap that Fox News is going to give you.  Or Newsweek, or anything like that.  You learn what the kids went through, what they thought.  The questions have been asked on both sides, where were the parents?  What would make someone do such a thing?  I don't know.  Like I said, I had more fun confusing a bunch of rednecks with words longer than two syllables.

If I can pass one thing to you people.  The like ten of you that are going to read this (hi mom!). The one thing I want anyone to take away from meeting me, is to never judge someone at face value, hell, don't judge at all. Let people be themselves, and care about them, because they're people.  Not for their skills.

This is the future for fuck's sake.

Let's be excellent to each other.

Giant Babies, and Societies Other Ills.

So I'm a little late to the party on this one, and I don't watch the National Geographic Channel, because everything they do, TLC does better (for the most part).  But there is one show on there, that's usually worth catching here and there, and that's "Taboo".

Now, for the uninitiated, the show is about looking into the weird fetishes or deviances in the world at large, and a particular episode aired some time ago, that featured a man.  But not a normal man.  No, this man was sort of like a super hero.  In the sense that he had two lives, the one he presented as his cover, and the other that he lived in secret.

But this guy ain't fighting crime.  He's not even part of a Neighborhood Watch program.  No, this guy is living his home life as a giant baby.  Now, normally, I don't care what people do behind closed doors, that's their business, but when I'm confronted with it on a cable show...it becomes my business.  This...maby (ha!) lives his life away from the "judging" eyes of society, spending his home life in giant onesies, sleeping in a mammoth sized crib, getting fed by a surrogate mother...Ugh, you know, I'll just skip over the particulars of it and boil it down for you, this guy is messed up in the ol' dome piece.  Both he and his "mother" rock the scales close to 400 lbs. and are on disability.

Yeah, he gets SSI payments for wanting to be a giant baby.  Ain't America swell?  And that's not just "Obama" as most morons on the Tea Party would say.  Its our society at large.  For those of us that are brave enough to scour the darker corners on the internet, you've no doubt seen some of the just downright fucking weird pages and sites that exist for different fetishes.  Let's go through some, shall we??!  Yeah, I'm fucking stoked for this.

Furry: Let's get the biggest one out of the way.  A lot of people have been introduced to this particular sub-culture (thank you, internet!) through CSI and other shows.  But they don't really get into the deeper end of the this weird shit.  These people...want to be anthropomorphic beings.  Hybrids of animals (usually wolves) and humans.  But it doesn't just stop there, most of the 13-year-olds and divorce-es that carry on about this garbage end up dragging in other genres and cliches to to create something completely awful.  In this group, its entirely acceptable to picture yourself as a half-dragon, werewolf, vampire, succubus with leanings toward being a wizard.  No one bats an eye.

Cartoon Fetish: This is a sad one for me.  Because it usually involves taking cartoons that I loved as a kid (or even enjoy now) and sexing them up for sad, pathetic bastards to rub one out to.  Does the world really need to see what it would like if Optimus Prime stopped the fighting with Megatron, and instead opted to totally just plow the shit out of Voltron?  No...no we don't.  Ever.  Never, ever.

Fanfiction: 1- Normal: Just what it says, normal fan fiction.  Taking already established characters, and either extending their stories or coming up with something on the fly.  Pretty much what George Lucas did for the prequel trilogy.

Fanfiction: 2- Mary Sue'in' it up: This is a particularly odd sublet of the fan fiction writers that come up with their own characters to interact with an already established universe.  However, the term "Mary Sue" has come to represent that character in that, the character is usually over powered, nigh invulnerable, a bastion of purity, in love with the main character, has the main character in love with him/herself.  Complete fuckwadery at its finest.  As an example, it would...not really acceptable, but its done, to have your character be absolutely gorgeous to either sex, wielding powers of every type of persuasion (if its that kind of story) and that kind of thing.  You know, I don't really think that Beast from Beauty and the Beast, had a kid that could switch between powers and that Gastion was totally-balls out in love with.  Just don't think so.

Fanfiction: 3- Slash/Yaoi/alltheothercrap: These three are pretty much the same, just replace the context with "character x, humps character y, then kills character z." The big difference come in with the titles.  Slash stories are usually crap involving character having extremely explicit sex, then some sort of violence happens.  Yaoi (taken from a Japanese term KAWAII ^________________^) is two male characters fallen in love, usually within a Final Fantasy universe, or Harry Potter.  A sample would read as; "Harry then stepped toward Dumbledore, his hands twitching with anticipation.  Dumbledore smiled beneath his giant beard and took Harry's hands..." what the fuck?!  Why?  Why would I do that?!  I. Hate. The. Internet!

Vampires: See, Furries, but even odder, because black leather and Hot Topic are involved.  They also have different classifications.  There are your "psy" vampires, the ones that "feed" on psychic energies.  The "sanguine" vampires.  Or as they're normally called, fucking vampires.  Its all just horse shit to cover up that they aren't really vampires and instead they're sad people with sadder lives that have nothing better to do than post on Smoke and Mirrors about how their parents don't care, and how they think they're coming under a malaise from not feeding.

Babies: See above.  Really, its just more of the same.  I'm actually kind of astonished about how much of a following this particular thing has.  Apparently there are even support groups for people that...well, just like to wear diapers.  Fucking really?  Diapers?  That's what gets you going?  Yeah, because nothing's hotter than a vadge covered in shit.

And this crap has even started to blend together, so now you can have "baby-furs", "vampire slash fics", etc.  And most people that just get online for FaceBook, email and YouTube wouldn't even know this crap was out there. But I, in my stalwart journey to explore the internet, and a helping of Google Roulette have seen my fair share of fat guys wearing diapers dressed up as Bugs Bunny humping a guy dressed like Minnie Mouse and they both have bat wings.  Welcome to society!

But what or who is to blame for this?  I'm not entirely sure.  Mental illness is surely a root cause, but then I could see parental neglect, good memories (non-sexual) of a family pet, really anything.  I like a good story as much as the next one, but I'm not about to hijack someone else's shit and try to put my own spin on it.  That's bush league.

So, for now, I bid you farewell, and don't ever, ever, look up any of this shit, unless you want to end up like me.

Getting Stuff Out of the Way

All right, its one in the morning, I'm tired as all hell, but I can't sleep.  So I thought I'd fire up the ol' blog machine and see what comes out of my brain hole.  Yes, I have a brain hole.  Kind of like the Matrix ones, but no metal plug.  Just all kind of slops out of there.  Yup.

So what I've got planned here, is to just go.  Its going to be weird.  Its going to be completely weird.  But, here it is.

Why can't Mystery Science Theater 3000 come back on the air?  It was a great show with a devoted following, it ran forever on two networks that had no clue how to run it, but it still hangs on.  Its on DVD, its all over the internet (mostly because the creators encourage downloading/streaming of it) and the stars/creators all have various versions of the format that they even perform live.  Why wouldn't this work?  Yeah, it would be kind of pricey if they wanted to go after "real" movies, but there are plenty in public domain that would work just fine.  Just something that's always bothered me.

Especially when you look at all the crap that comes on TV nowadays.  I mean, look at "The Cape".  That was awful.  I can't even elaborate on how terrible that show was.  Then, you have five-thousand reality shows that are all trying to capitalize on some show that's done the format better than they can do, no matter how many bells and whistles they add to it.

Its not like comedies got it any better.  Anyone seen "Breaking In"  I think that's the name of it.  It has Christian Slater in it, that's all I know.  It got cancelled, but that isn't going to heal the wounds I got from watching it.  One of the last episodes they did, was about Comic-Con, now, I've never been to a "con" but I can't imagine it being any worse than what they presented.  It seems like the big jock guy from "Revenge of the Nerds" wrote a television show.  Here's a quote: "nerds only care about Xena and Star Trek".  Let that sink in for a moment.  All done?  Did you die a little inside?  Someone said this was acceptable for air.  Yup.

And the big one that I hate, is Glee.  I know, everyone loves it, because cute little "teenagers" in wheelchairs sing old and new pop songs, and its so happy...fuck that.  Now, before I get started, I am accepting of everyone's lifestyle.  I don't care if you're a gay, african american, snowboarder who moonlights as an acoustic guitair player in an alt-ska band, I really don't.  But this show seems to delight in playing off everyone's supposed "un-gayness" and everyone else's "okay-with-gayness".  To me, the whole mess looks like a stereotypical gay guy's wet dream.  Even the straight characters seem like they're all on the verge of just grabbing the nearest person of the same gender and just going for it.  Now, that's not a knock on the whole gay side, that's a knock on bad writing.  So all you "Gleeks" go to hell.  Or just, find a better show.  Come on.

On the brighter side of things, soon we can all start ignoring Charlie Sheen.  And I can't wait.  The "winning" shit was not funny.  Neither was the "warlock" business.  I assume his stage show wasn't anything special, and there's just not anything spectacular about the guy.  I liked Hot Shots, but that's it.  In everything else, he's played himself.  Look at his tenure on "Spin City" in what I like to call the "un-watchable" years.  If you didn't know better, you'd think Two and a Half Men was a sequel to it.  Both characters are so awesomely called "Charlie" both are womanizing drunks pushed into odd situations.  Gah.

But back to my original point, he's been replaced by Ashton Kutcher.  Okay.  Now, I'm not praising Kelso, and I've never sat through an episode of the show...well, maybe if you catch all the re-runs I've skipped through, it might add up to an episode.  But really, does this matter?  Not in the long run.

I used to love wrestling.  I still watch it from time to time.  I'm not one of those weird fans, that obsesses over every little thing.  I know its fake.  And I can live with that, because it CAN be entertaining.  But not usually.  It just sucks that ROH isn't on TV anymore.  I actually liked watching some of those guys almost kill themselves doing stupid moves.

But really, WWE is the only game in town.  TNA tries, but they are like a low-rent WCW.  Not when WCW was good, like late 1999 WCW.  Don't know what I'm talking about?  Hit up YouTube.  Have fun.

But what really bothers me about it, is that it just seems like they've stopped trying.  I mean, really.  WWE was messing up so badly that they had to bring The Rock back.  TNA can't do anything right, and I used to love watching their show.  I don't want to see the same old bastards doing the same old moves, and talking the same way.  Its just bad.  And no, I don't watch MMA, unless you count Bully Beatdown.  If Mayhem fought every show, I'd be an MMA-freak.  Instead, its just guys that look like high-school football players in bike shorts, trading arm bars and chokes for fifteen minutes.  No thanks.  If you like it, that's great.  Its not for me.

What else...what else...oh!  I heard a Bruno Mars song the other day at work.  And I have never hated my ears for being able to work so much in my life.  But then, it got worse.  Because that was followed up with some of the American Idol finalists.  And all I have to say, is WHAT THE FUCK, AMERICA?!  We shunned Korn and Limp Bizkit for this?  Are you kidding me?  Bruno Mars writes a song about being lazy, in the most lazy way possible.  Makes a lazy video about being lazy...and people buy this?  Not that I like their music, but OK GO! has been doing this for years.  Where are their millions of dollars.  Oh...they have a tiny smidge of talent.  Again, I can't stand their music.  And American Idol?  Do people still care?  I mean, after every single person from that show has failed to make it big, this is still a big deal?  What the hell.

Anyhow, this has been a rant by yours truly.  Comment away, or email me.  Or don't.  Whichever.

Wherein I Lose My Mind

Let me preface this by saying that I don't get caught up in saying that the original version of something is better than remake.  I don't care.  And I've had this attitude forever.  I'll give the remake a chance, and if it blows, I move on.

But then...something caught my eye.  Something so absolutely terrible, grim, astonishing..and just downright bad that I had to make a post about it.

There's going to be a remake of The Crow.  That I could handle, I've long since moved on from it.  There won't be a good one past the first one, this one won't be good, I've come to terms with that.

But then, a casting "maybe" was leaked to the fine people of the internet.

Are you ready for it?

God...this hurts to type.

Bradley Cooper might be playing Eric Draven.  Yeah, you're reading that right.  The smug douche nozzle from such feats of cinematography as "Limitless", "The A-Team" and...that one stalker movie with Sandra Bullock. The guy who looks like that young boss you always have.  You know, that one that is like two years younger than you, but is always trying to look stylish and cool, even though you both work for K-Mart.  Yeah, that guy.

Honestly, how could the makers of this, I'm sure to be nominated for like a billion awards, movie see this as a good idea.  And what's worse, from what I can gather the movie is supposed to draw more from the comic book.  Let's look at some visual aids, shall we?

Bradley Cooper

Eric Draven (Comic Book)

The resemblances are striking, no?

Now, I know what you're thinking.  "Oh, you're just ranting because its something you like!" Well no shit.  That's kind of the whole point of me even posting on this.  But it comes down to something bigger.  Something more terrifying and awful.  Something that I didn't think I would ever have to think about.

I, have become old.  Its like when a parent makes you watch a movie that they love, but that you've never seen.  You hate it.  Even if you liked some parts of it, you mostly hate it.  Not because its a bad movie, you are just engineered to hate the last generation.  That's how it works for everything.

Is this petty?  Yes.  But I think its something that needs to be stated.  I mean, there are plenty of people out there with decent to good movie ideas (none of them are on the internet, don't look.) The people in charge just seem to be afraid.  And that's fine, fear is good.  But as long as people continue to pay for this kind of garbage, the more they'll keep putting out.  I have never seen the new Nightmare or 13th, and I probably never will just based on principle.  And, I didn't want to see Rorschach play Freddy.

But I guess that's how it works.  Just as long as they never try and remake Ninja Turtles, I'll be fine.  That reminds me, I should check and see if that's happening...

*Sounds of screaming and intense vomiting.*

I'm moving to Europe.