Giant Babies, and Societies Other Ills.

So I'm a little late to the party on this one, and I don't watch the National Geographic Channel, because everything they do, TLC does better (for the most part).  But there is one show on there, that's usually worth catching here and there, and that's "Taboo".

Now, for the uninitiated, the show is about looking into the weird fetishes or deviances in the world at large, and a particular episode aired some time ago, that featured a man.  But not a normal man.  No, this man was sort of like a super hero.  In the sense that he had two lives, the one he presented as his cover, and the other that he lived in secret.

But this guy ain't fighting crime.  He's not even part of a Neighborhood Watch program.  No, this guy is living his home life as a giant baby.  Now, normally, I don't care what people do behind closed doors, that's their business, but when I'm confronted with it on a cable show...it becomes my business.  This...maby (ha!) lives his life away from the "judging" eyes of society, spending his home life in giant onesies, sleeping in a mammoth sized crib, getting fed by a surrogate mother...Ugh, you know, I'll just skip over the particulars of it and boil it down for you, this guy is messed up in the ol' dome piece.  Both he and his "mother" rock the scales close to 400 lbs. and are on disability.

Yeah, he gets SSI payments for wanting to be a giant baby.  Ain't America swell?  And that's not just "Obama" as most morons on the Tea Party would say.  Its our society at large.  For those of us that are brave enough to scour the darker corners on the internet, you've no doubt seen some of the just downright fucking weird pages and sites that exist for different fetishes.  Let's go through some, shall we??!  Yeah, I'm fucking stoked for this.

Furry: Let's get the biggest one out of the way.  A lot of people have been introduced to this particular sub-culture (thank you, internet!) through CSI and other shows.  But they don't really get into the deeper end of the this weird shit.  These people...want to be anthropomorphic beings.  Hybrids of animals (usually wolves) and humans.  But it doesn't just stop there, most of the 13-year-olds and divorce-es that carry on about this garbage end up dragging in other genres and cliches to to create something completely awful.  In this group, its entirely acceptable to picture yourself as a half-dragon, werewolf, vampire, succubus with leanings toward being a wizard.  No one bats an eye.

Cartoon Fetish: This is a sad one for me.  Because it usually involves taking cartoons that I loved as a kid (or even enjoy now) and sexing them up for sad, pathetic bastards to rub one out to.  Does the world really need to see what it would like if Optimus Prime stopped the fighting with Megatron, and instead opted to totally just plow the shit out of Voltron?  No...no we don't.  Ever.  Never, ever.

Fanfiction: 1- Normal: Just what it says, normal fan fiction.  Taking already established characters, and either extending their stories or coming up with something on the fly.  Pretty much what George Lucas did for the prequel trilogy.

Fanfiction: 2- Mary Sue'in' it up: This is a particularly odd sublet of the fan fiction writers that come up with their own characters to interact with an already established universe.  However, the term "Mary Sue" has come to represent that character in that, the character is usually over powered, nigh invulnerable, a bastion of purity, in love with the main character, has the main character in love with him/herself.  Complete fuckwadery at its finest.  As an example, it would...not really acceptable, but its done, to have your character be absolutely gorgeous to either sex, wielding powers of every type of persuasion (if its that kind of story) and that kind of thing.  You know, I don't really think that Beast from Beauty and the Beast, had a kid that could switch between powers and that Gastion was totally-balls out in love with.  Just don't think so.

Fanfiction: 3- Slash/Yaoi/alltheothercrap: These three are pretty much the same, just replace the context with "character x, humps character y, then kills character z." The big difference come in with the titles.  Slash stories are usually crap involving character having extremely explicit sex, then some sort of violence happens.  Yaoi (taken from a Japanese term KAWAII ^________________^) is two male characters fallen in love, usually within a Final Fantasy universe, or Harry Potter.  A sample would read as; "Harry then stepped toward Dumbledore, his hands twitching with anticipation.  Dumbledore smiled beneath his giant beard and took Harry's hands..." what the fuck?!  Why?  Why would I do that?!  I. Hate. The. Internet!

Vampires: See, Furries, but even odder, because black leather and Hot Topic are involved.  They also have different classifications.  There are your "psy" vampires, the ones that "feed" on psychic energies.  The "sanguine" vampires.  Or as they're normally called, fucking vampires.  Its all just horse shit to cover up that they aren't really vampires and instead they're sad people with sadder lives that have nothing better to do than post on Smoke and Mirrors about how their parents don't care, and how they think they're coming under a malaise from not feeding.

Babies: See above.  Really, its just more of the same.  I'm actually kind of astonished about how much of a following this particular thing has.  Apparently there are even support groups for people that...well, just like to wear diapers.  Fucking really?  Diapers?  That's what gets you going?  Yeah, because nothing's hotter than a vadge covered in shit.

And this crap has even started to blend together, so now you can have "baby-furs", "vampire slash fics", etc.  And most people that just get online for FaceBook, email and YouTube wouldn't even know this crap was out there. But I, in my stalwart journey to explore the internet, and a helping of Google Roulette have seen my fair share of fat guys wearing diapers dressed up as Bugs Bunny humping a guy dressed like Minnie Mouse and they both have bat wings.  Welcome to society!

But what or who is to blame for this?  I'm not entirely sure.  Mental illness is surely a root cause, but then I could see parental neglect, good memories (non-sexual) of a family pet, really anything.  I like a good story as much as the next one, but I'm not about to hijack someone else's shit and try to put my own spin on it.  That's bush league.

So, for now, I bid you farewell, and don't ever, ever, look up any of this shit, unless you want to end up like me.

Getting Stuff Out of the Way

All right, its one in the morning, I'm tired as all hell, but I can't sleep.  So I thought I'd fire up the ol' blog machine and see what comes out of my brain hole.  Yes, I have a brain hole.  Kind of like the Matrix ones, but no metal plug.  Just all kind of slops out of there.  Yup.

So what I've got planned here, is to just go.  Its going to be weird.  Its going to be completely weird.  But, here it is.

Why can't Mystery Science Theater 3000 come back on the air?  It was a great show with a devoted following, it ran forever on two networks that had no clue how to run it, but it still hangs on.  Its on DVD, its all over the internet (mostly because the creators encourage downloading/streaming of it) and the stars/creators all have various versions of the format that they even perform live.  Why wouldn't this work?  Yeah, it would be kind of pricey if they wanted to go after "real" movies, but there are plenty in public domain that would work just fine.  Just something that's always bothered me.

Especially when you look at all the crap that comes on TV nowadays.  I mean, look at "The Cape".  That was awful.  I can't even elaborate on how terrible that show was.  Then, you have five-thousand reality shows that are all trying to capitalize on some show that's done the format better than they can do, no matter how many bells and whistles they add to it.

Its not like comedies got it any better.  Anyone seen "Breaking In"  I think that's the name of it.  It has Christian Slater in it, that's all I know.  It got cancelled, but that isn't going to heal the wounds I got from watching it.  One of the last episodes they did, was about Comic-Con, now, I've never been to a "con" but I can't imagine it being any worse than what they presented.  It seems like the big jock guy from "Revenge of the Nerds" wrote a television show.  Here's a quote: "nerds only care about Xena and Star Trek".  Let that sink in for a moment.  All done?  Did you die a little inside?  Someone said this was acceptable for air.  Yup.

And the big one that I hate, is Glee.  I know, everyone loves it, because cute little "teenagers" in wheelchairs sing old and new pop songs, and its so happy...fuck that.  Now, before I get started, I am accepting of everyone's lifestyle.  I don't care if you're a gay, african american, snowboarder who moonlights as an acoustic guitair player in an alt-ska band, I really don't.  But this show seems to delight in playing off everyone's supposed "un-gayness" and everyone else's "okay-with-gayness".  To me, the whole mess looks like a stereotypical gay guy's wet dream.  Even the straight characters seem like they're all on the verge of just grabbing the nearest person of the same gender and just going for it.  Now, that's not a knock on the whole gay side, that's a knock on bad writing.  So all you "Gleeks" go to hell.  Or just, find a better show.  Come on.

On the brighter side of things, soon we can all start ignoring Charlie Sheen.  And I can't wait.  The "winning" shit was not funny.  Neither was the "warlock" business.  I assume his stage show wasn't anything special, and there's just not anything spectacular about the guy.  I liked Hot Shots, but that's it.  In everything else, he's played himself.  Look at his tenure on "Spin City" in what I like to call the "un-watchable" years.  If you didn't know better, you'd think Two and a Half Men was a sequel to it.  Both characters are so awesomely called "Charlie" both are womanizing drunks pushed into odd situations.  Gah.

But back to my original point, he's been replaced by Ashton Kutcher.  Okay.  Now, I'm not praising Kelso, and I've never sat through an episode of the show...well, maybe if you catch all the re-runs I've skipped through, it might add up to an episode.  But really, does this matter?  Not in the long run.

I used to love wrestling.  I still watch it from time to time.  I'm not one of those weird fans, that obsesses over every little thing.  I know its fake.  And I can live with that, because it CAN be entertaining.  But not usually.  It just sucks that ROH isn't on TV anymore.  I actually liked watching some of those guys almost kill themselves doing stupid moves.

But really, WWE is the only game in town.  TNA tries, but they are like a low-rent WCW.  Not when WCW was good, like late 1999 WCW.  Don't know what I'm talking about?  Hit up YouTube.  Have fun.

But what really bothers me about it, is that it just seems like they've stopped trying.  I mean, really.  WWE was messing up so badly that they had to bring The Rock back.  TNA can't do anything right, and I used to love watching their show.  I don't want to see the same old bastards doing the same old moves, and talking the same way.  Its just bad.  And no, I don't watch MMA, unless you count Bully Beatdown.  If Mayhem fought every show, I'd be an MMA-freak.  Instead, its just guys that look like high-school football players in bike shorts, trading arm bars and chokes for fifteen minutes.  No thanks.  If you like it, that's great.  Its not for me.

What else...what else...oh!  I heard a Bruno Mars song the other day at work.  And I have never hated my ears for being able to work so much in my life.  But then, it got worse.  Because that was followed up with some of the American Idol finalists.  And all I have to say, is WHAT THE FUCK, AMERICA?!  We shunned Korn and Limp Bizkit for this?  Are you kidding me?  Bruno Mars writes a song about being lazy, in the most lazy way possible.  Makes a lazy video about being lazy...and people buy this?  Not that I like their music, but OK GO! has been doing this for years.  Where are their millions of dollars.  Oh...they have a tiny smidge of talent.  Again, I can't stand their music.  And American Idol?  Do people still care?  I mean, after every single person from that show has failed to make it big, this is still a big deal?  What the hell.

Anyhow, this has been a rant by yours truly.  Comment away, or email me.  Or don't.  Whichever.